What to Say to the Naysayers
By Laurie Block Spigel
When I first started homeschooling, in the 1990s, I had little to no support from family and friends. Instead, I was judged in a negative light for a choice I made that put my children first. When I started taking a child-led, interest-based approach to their learning, again I saw negative judgement in the eyes of friends and acquaintances who believed I was doing my children a terrible disservice. By the time my children got into their first-choice colleges with generous scholarships, I had earned the respect of fellow homeschoolers, yet I continued to experience a lack of understanding from those outside the homeschooling/alternative ed. community.
What do you say when people question you, judge you, and don’t believe you?
What do you say to the naysayers?
When you don’t know what to say…
Remain silent. Let them talk themselves out. This person is showing you who they are—not who you are. Take a moment to listen without taking it personally.
Change the subject and say, “I’d rather talk about something else. Guess what I saw (or overheard or read) the other day?”
If you are patient, and have the time, take the opportunity to try and open people’s minds by asking nonjudgmental questions, such as “What was your schooling like?” “Have you met any homeschoolers? Tell me about that experience.” Try to move away from stereotypes.
Here are questions and false judgements that came up repeatedly, with my responses.
Are you a certified teacher? Parents aren’t qualified to teach.
Oh, if only having a teacher’s certification made you a good teacher! If only teachers today had the freedom to do what they think is best, and weren’t forced to use a standardized, test-driven curriculum! If only schools were safe, supportive, creative environments, where children were so eager to attend that they protested when they had to miss a day of school. A loving parent may be better equipped to offer a positive learning environment than most schools are.
Homeschooling parents facilitate and supervise their children’s education, sharing the role of teacher with other adults, using online and in-person classes, tutors, group activities, as well as independent studies. Without the limitations of school, homeschoolers can use the world as their resource.
How can you teach your kid everything?
Firstly, no one can learn everything. Professionals can spend an entire lifetime becoming an expert on one narrow topic, such as the American Civil War or owls. No “complete curriculum” can teach everything. The American standardized curriculum leaves a great deal to be desired and falls short of the educational standards in many other countries. Moreover, traditional standards are outdated.
The most important skill to impart is how to learn. We have no idea what professions will exist in the future. Our children may need to reeducate themselves, learn a new profession or deal with new technology. Along with the skill of how to learn, students need to be able to think creatively, find practical solutions to problems, be inventive and resourceful. These skills can be achieved in many ways.
Don’t you need school for socialization? Homeschoolers become social outcasts and misfits.
Homeschoolers are asked about socialization so frequently that they refer to it as the S word. I responded to the question by asking, “Do you mean positive socialization or negative socialization?”
There’s a lot to learn from a difficult or negative situation, which can occur anywhere at any age. Schools are ripe with negative social situations. I have witnessed teachers yell at young children and be cold and demeaning to students. Trapped in overcrowded classrooms with others the same age, students might make friends, but they may also witness insults, teasing, threats, and even physically attacks from their classmates.
For a broader, more positive social experience, I recommend homeschooling, where groups gather regularly, often according to interest rather than age, and children can communicate comfortably with every age and walk of life, including adults.
I overheard one NYC homeschooling mom tell another, “The problem with homeschooling is that it’s too social! My kid attends so many classes and groups, that I keep begging her, can’t we spend just one day a week at home!”
Why waste time playing? Learning is hard work!
Many adults have told me, “Life is hard and the sooner you know it, the better.” I first encountered BGUTI (Better Get Used To It) in 3rd grade, when my mother tried to get me transferred from a class where I was bored to a more interesting class. The principal’s argument was, “It’s a tough world out there and you better get used to it! The sooner the better!” BGUTI!
Knowing that most of us will encounter problems and losses in life, why should we start suffering at an early age? It makes more sense to build a positive foundation first, one that can withstand hard knocks. Encourage the child to grow into a strong, confidant, capable individual, communicative and self-aware, with the knowledge they are loved and cared for.
Scientists have proven that nothing lights up the brain like play! When we are relaxed, and imaginative, in a state of play, we are better able to brainstorm unique solutions, solve complex problems, and make new discoveries. To truly learn, we must be creative, intuitive, and playful. Yet many people believe that learning should not be enjoyed and should, in fact, feel hard. To them, work is the opposite of play. In my own experience, work and learning are far more successful when play is present, and far less successful when play is absent.
They’ll never succeed. Taking a nontraditional approach to education means your kids will fail at life.
Many successful people were homeschooled or chose not to attend college. My homeschooled students (who I taught with a student-led, nontraditional approach) have succeeded in a wide variety of professions, including teaching, real estate, car mechanics, massage therapy, scientific research, furniture making, music, theater, dance education, journalism, art, wilderness therapy, fashion design, business and more.
My own sons, now grown and married, remain lifelong learners. All the homeschoolers I taught, including my own kids, have expressed gratitude that they were homeschooled.
More resources on homeschooling, learning games and play.